The BBC in a lovely bit of spin are reporting that there is a front-runner in the exciting race to become the Tory candidate for mayor of London. A few months ago Dave "i ride huskies" Cameron announced that from now on the Tories would embrace "American-style" selection tactics for the London role.
This would mean that any member of the party could put themselves forward for selection - the deadline for applications is Friday.
In what the party like to describe as an "X-factor" competition, members of "the public" will then get to vote on the various candidates and pick a winner.
Critics are quick to point out that the main candidates so far are hardly likely to generate screaming crowds of teenagers.
LBC gobshite and liberal-bogeyman Nick Ferrari is deluded enough to think he stands a chance of being elected - that is almost sweet. He evidently thinks that cos his brand of loud ignorant racism is listened to by cab drivers, and every time he gets in a cab they know who he is, that somehow the rest of Londoners do. Nick, word to the wise - no-one listens to LBC. Really, nobody apart from cab drivers. They love you, I will give you that. Everyone else thinks you are an idiot, rent-a-quote, and instinctively the worst possible person to represent London IN ANY CONTEXT, never mind as our esteemed mayor. Ferrari said that "bookies odds" portray him as a front runner, and that the Tories would do well picking him. Just savour this quote from the man with the golden mouth, on why he would be a good choice for the Tories:
"Would they rather go for a white, slightly heavy, but nevertheless good-looking and virile radio presenter who can win?
"Or - purely for the sake of argument - a black woman from the East End of London, who nobody perhaps had heard of, who ticked all the right boxes but finishes fifth." Thank the Lord he will be crushed like a little grape if he comes within sniffing distance of nomination.
So who are the other candidates set to shake the Tory party? Who will be stepping into the shoes of Lord Archer, the well-known novelist, liar, perjurer and Tory peer and Shagger Norris, the five-times-a-night love machine who failed to topple Ken on two previous occasions?
The exciting list so far includes: a man who once stood for parliament but didnt get in and a man who is in the London assembly but I have never heard of. There are two councillors from Tory rich-bitch heartland Kensington & Chelsea. Get these names and see how you think these Conservative fillies will go down with the voters of Brixton: Warwick Lightfoot and Victoria Borwick. I mean really - you people have no chance. What a bunch of losers.
The final candidate I have heard of - he has carpetbagged over from losing Hove at the last election to the ginger-lady Celia Barlow.
Nicholas Boles is A-list. He is top mates with new-Tory faces like your Ed Vaizeys and your George Osbornes. He is also an out gay man. This could be a winner for the party if they have the sense to pick him.
Boles would bring wide support from the most prominent community in London, the gays. They are in every borough and they will get out the vote for one of their own. But can I make one suggestion? Intelligent as Boles is, he is hardly a looker. They need to get him a glamourous running mate, perhaps fellow A-lister and gay icon Adam Rickitt. They could even adapt his hit single Breathe Again as a campaign tune, backing the green message of Cameron with some wicked disco beats.
In seriousness, this is an opportunity for the Conservatives to demonstrate real change. London is the most diverse electorate in the country. If Londoners can be convinced that the party has changed, it will be the breakthrough they need.
It was very smart of Cameron to take the decision out of the hands of the dinosaurs that run the Tory party and turn it into a public vote. Let us hope for his sake it is not Nick Ferrari, or some heavy-thighed braying Chelsea trustafarian called Victoria, or some faceless Assembly member that emerges as the victor.
With Boles and a bit of fairy dust, and a bit of Rickitt, they could carry it off.
This would mean that any member of the party could put themselves forward for selection - the deadline for applications is Friday.
In what the party like to describe as an "X-factor" competition, members of "the public" will then get to vote on the various candidates and pick a winner.
Critics are quick to point out that the main candidates so far are hardly likely to generate screaming crowds of teenagers.
LBC gobshite and liberal-bogeyman Nick Ferrari is deluded enough to think he stands a chance of being elected - that is almost sweet. He evidently thinks that cos his brand of loud ignorant racism is listened to by cab drivers, and every time he gets in a cab they know who he is, that somehow the rest of Londoners do. Nick, word to the wise - no-one listens to LBC. Really, nobody apart from cab drivers. They love you, I will give you that. Everyone else thinks you are an idiot, rent-a-quote, and instinctively the worst possible person to represent London IN ANY CONTEXT, never mind as our esteemed mayor. Ferrari said that "bookies odds" portray him as a front runner, and that the Tories would do well picking him. Just savour this quote from the man with the golden mouth, on why he would be a good choice for the Tories:
"Would they rather go for a white, slightly heavy, but nevertheless good-looking and virile radio presenter who can win?
"Or - purely for the sake of argument - a black woman from the East End of London, who nobody perhaps had heard of, who ticked all the right boxes but finishes fifth." Thank the Lord he will be crushed like a little grape if he comes within sniffing distance of nomination.
So who are the other candidates set to shake the Tory party? Who will be stepping into the shoes of Lord Archer, the well-known novelist, liar, perjurer and Tory peer and Shagger Norris, the five-times-a-night love machine who failed to topple Ken on two previous occasions?
The exciting list so far includes: a man who once stood for parliament but didnt get in and a man who is in the London assembly but I have never heard of. There are two councillors from Tory rich-bitch heartland Kensington & Chelsea. Get these names and see how you think these Conservative fillies will go down with the voters of Brixton: Warwick Lightfoot and Victoria Borwick. I mean really - you people have no chance. What a bunch of losers.
The final candidate I have heard of - he has carpetbagged over from losing Hove at the last election to the ginger-lady Celia Barlow.
Nicholas Boles is A-list. He is top mates with new-Tory faces like your Ed Vaizeys and your George Osbornes. He is also an out gay man. This could be a winner for the party if they have the sense to pick him.
Boles would bring wide support from the most prominent community in London, the gays. They are in every borough and they will get out the vote for one of their own. But can I make one suggestion? Intelligent as Boles is, he is hardly a looker. They need to get him a glamourous running mate, perhaps fellow A-lister and gay icon Adam Rickitt. They could even adapt his hit single Breathe Again as a campaign tune, backing the green message of Cameron with some wicked disco beats.
In seriousness, this is an opportunity for the Conservatives to demonstrate real change. London is the most diverse electorate in the country. If Londoners can be convinced that the party has changed, it will be the breakthrough they need.
It was very smart of Cameron to take the decision out of the hands of the dinosaurs that run the Tory party and turn it into a public vote. Let us hope for his sake it is not Nick Ferrari, or some heavy-thighed braying Chelsea trustafarian called Victoria, or some faceless Assembly member that emerges as the victor.
With Boles and a bit of fairy dust, and a bit of Rickitt, they could carry it off.
