John Prescott in .... Carry On Up The Commons

John Prescott returned to the dispatch box yesterday to answer questions like: what is it you do all day? Why do you have three houses and two cars?
It was hilarious - and deeply uncomfortable. The Tories loved it, the big kids. There were waves of noise at every inconcievable double entrendre. They were in transports of delight at Prescott struggled through a response to:
"What steps will he take to ensure that staff working under him are not subject to sexual harassment or bullying?"
The Speaker was on his feet several times, as one Tory shouted "keep the door closed next time!", a reference to Prescott's prelediction for office sex.
Conservative Oliver Heald was like a fat kid in a sweetshop - where to start? He plumped for the power-broker role that Prescott now had. Surely being a marriage guidance councillor between No 10 and No 11 was a party matter - why were we paying for it?
To more abuse and shouting from the opposition, Prescott played his only two cards.
Class: "it sounds like a Tory 6th form rally" and his other favourite - 18 years of Tory government, this version in response to a question about pensions from Tory MP for Daventry, Tim Boswell:
"I think that the hon. Gentleman was a Pensions Minister in the last Conservative Government; certainly, at one stage he was their spokesman on pensions.
"I will not take any lectures about pensions after 18 years of a Tory Government, who put millions of our pensioners into poverty, took away their fuel payments and brought about the most disastrous conditions.
"It took this Government to introduce pension credit, with today's pensioners better off than any other generation of pensioners."
To be fair to the people at Hansard, it did not actually sound anything like that. They do good work, but at best they are putting words in where there were just sounds.
In any case, whatever he said, it got everyone going - nothing like a blast of old-school Tory bashing to get the House on its feet. Was the Speaker going to get ANY sleep?
"Order. I ask the House to quieten down again. With all the noise in the Chamber, hon. Members are making the situation difficult for me as Speaker. I ask for the House's help and co-operation. [Interruption.] Order. We can do without the Minister for the Cabinet Office, the right hon. Member for North-West Durham (Hilary Armstrong), throwing in her tuppence worth."
Not the first time Hilary has been told off for shouting. Meanwhile, further down the front bench, that nice Jack Straw was helping young Miliband with his prep.
Oliver Heald returned to the Two-Jags baiting, and desptie having a country mansion and a London flat to his name, Prescott stuck to his class baiting.
It just got worse - when Prescott mentioned that part of his responsibilities was to oversee the cabinet committe on Home Affairs, the whole House dissolved into a fit of giggles - Carry on Commons.
Dari Taylor struggled with her question about social housing :
"Will he still have a hands-on role?" she asked. Comedy gold.
Perhaps the most puzzling revelation was that John Prescott is now deeply involved in the British-Irish council and the China taskforce - to develop his role internationally. Is that wise?
Members settled down to watch the first appearance of the second Miliband at the dispatch box. Ed, recenly appointed as a parlaimentary under-secretary to the Cabinet Office, with responsibility for charities. He praised Lee Scott for his sterling fundraising efforts, agreed with Charles Walker about the menace of chuggers, listened respectfully to Jim Devine complain about bogus charity collections in pubs.
Miliband barely looked old enough to be in a pub, and with the frontbench filling up with cabinet members in readyness for PMQ, that was no bad thing. He looked new, interesting and intelligent, confident and fluid. It was an excellent start - just a shame Blair arrived about a minute too late to see any of it.